i just got done making a relaxation/hypnosis cd. I parents had a book on self-hypnosis when i was in high school and i got pretty into it then and am trying to get back into it. hypnosis is a pretty interesting thing. Did you know that there are some dentists out there that just use hypnosis instead of Novocain to work on patients? pretty cool, huh. anyway, i use the cd to relax and get my muscles all relaxed so that i sleep well. I also use it to try and improve on things, like handling stress, and just generally improving my life. its amazing how well it can work. it helps alleviate pain and just makes you feel really good when you are relaxed. the power of suggestion is a surprisingly powerful thing.
in other news, my job search is going the best its ever gone. i got a part time tutoring upper level math through a private tutoring program and had a 2nd interview with a company i�d love to work for and have another 2nd interview this coming week with a company i�m pretty sure i�d like to work for. so thats been on my mind a lot. worrying a little bit about what its going to be like, and how i�ll be able to handle myself.
also, one of my cousins, who i only knew when i was younger, died in a tragic accident this past week. it was such a sad and terrible thing. Seeing his family all tore up was so sad. i felt so sad for him too, of course. It also did a number on hitting home (even harder) the reality of my mortality. Going to his graveside service and seeing him buried in the field where I too will some day be buried. (we have a graveyard where most of our family gets buried....) I imagined being someone that was driving to my funeral and looking at the mapquest directions. Listening to the preacher go on and on about how, if we believe in Jesus, we will have everlasting life. I�m currently, as for the past 2.5 yrs or so, struggling with my Faith and exactly what i believe. I can�t imagine going and sitting through a tragic muslim funeral thinking all the while that the love they all shared for the deceased will never be reunited because he didn�t believe in Jesus, and that in fact, that person that they all loved so deeply will be burning in Hell, where they can all eventually join him. it makes me feel like religion can be a distraction to life if you let it. At the same time my belief in God as being a loving God, and being there for me and helping me has meant the world to me. the idea that my soul is taken care of and doesn�t have to be afraid now, or when i die, helps me so much. also, worshiping God instead of myself and stopping other kinds of sins has also helped a lot. its just the specifics that i get hung up on. For more on my thoughts and struggles with Christianity go to: http://why-oh-why.diaryland.com/021211_2.html (scroll down to where it says WHY I THINK CHRISTIANITY IS SAD)
well, i would like to put up a longer entry but i got some stuff i want to do. oh by the way, sorry about taking away the titles on my songs. i didn�t want to do that, i was just a little paranoid about protecting my identity and saw it as the best way to keep my dland life separate from my real life.
11:14 p.m. - 2003-12-14
Recent entries:
honesty was a luxury and now i think i'm broke - 2015-04-09
left vs right brain - 2014-05-17
one day at a time - 2013-09-20
compulsive internet surfing - 2013-04-14
ski trip - 2013-02-08
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