i wrote another song and put it up on the website i have linked to the left. in an attempt to further protect my identity i changed my �band� name on that website. I�m also going to start displaying the song names in such a way that they won�t show up in a search on besonic. I�m doing this because i�m also giving these songs to my friends as well. I�m probably being a little paranoid about protecting my identity, but better safe than sorry. i�ve had fun writing songs lately. it distracts me from my life which can be a good and bad thing depending on how i handle it.
job search stuff has taken a turn for the better, i think because the economy is getting better. i�ve been actually hearing back from the places i apply to and have 2 interviews this week! even tho one is just for part time work.
i had a pretty good Thanksgiving. got to hang out with a lot of the family like old times. its sad to see my grandparents getting old tho, but good that i got to see them. since i�ve gotten older i pay a lot more attention to older people because i feel that there is a lot i can learn from them. and there seems to be an interesting pattern. i expect to see philosophers who have come to peace with all the questions and are ready to tell u the answers. i expect to see very spiritual people focusing on the hereafter. instead i see people just like me, except who have lived a lot longer. there fading health gets them down but it doesn�t keep them down. they just keep on living and concentrating on living. they tend not to get into the deep conversations and seem to just talk about normal everyday things. they also seem to concentrate a lot on relationships and how different people are doing. i wonder if they just give up on the questioning and just concentrate on life, knowing that one day the wait will be over and they can just leave it at that??? thats kind of a let down to me if thats the way i end up doing....
a girl that i went to high school with who lived her whole life with cerebral palsy died a couple days ago. she weighed 33 lbs and was 22 yrs old. i used to see her a lot in school but never knew her. she would always run for school office and things like that and that always amazed me. it makes me feel stupid anytime i use any kind of weakness i have as an excuse for not doing something when i think about her and a lot of other people that overcome incredible odds. its people like her and many many others that suffer in ways that would make me question the point of living, that make me think that i�m still off the mark on what the whole point to living is. If God is just then what is the point of their lives from their perspective.... it makes me think that i�m not concentrating on the spiritual enough, and theres aspects of it that i have yet to grasp. and there is always the possibility that there isn�t always as good of a point to some peoples lives, that things aren�t just, even on the spiritual level. and even that wouldn�t necessarily mean that God wasn�t just.
The possible limitations of man, and reason for even more humility:
To a dog that has been breed for fetching, returning a thrown stick to the thrower is one of the biggest joys that the world could know. it is one of the very reasons for living. how firmly can we believe that our evolutionarily evolved pursuits of happiness are any more valid or any more true. how firmly can we believe that our logic, that we hold so dear, has any point or validity outside of the human race. should we be so bold as to believe that the things that humans pursue is what the world is really all about? and even if those pursuits were what life was really about, would we have the information we needed to make any kind of decent conclusion. is it arrogant to think that we can make judgements and conclusions about God and how the world works based on what is in our view? what if what is in our view is infinitesimal when compared to the amount of stuff that would be necessary to see to make an accurate statement about the �world�. But maybe the truth and point of the world is too big to be seen just by one being with one type of consciousness. maybe the truth and point of the world to a dog is just as valid is ours is to us. It is kind of scary and depressing to think about things like this, but this is where i come back to faith and the belief that God does love us and that things are purposeful and we need not worry about this type of thing. But it is probably still useful in giving us some added humility...
10:55 p.m. - 2003-11-30
Recent entries:
honesty was a luxury and now i think i'm broke - 2015-04-09
left vs right brain - 2014-05-17
one day at a time - 2013-09-20
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