i guess the only significant event that happened since i last wrote was that, out of the blue, i got an email from my Mom; the kind of email on religion I didn�t want to get. part of me would like to share the exchange because i know the emotions would pour out of the page but i make it a rule not to put stuff out here that involves other people thats too personal. plus, i think this may be a little too much for me to feel comfortable sharing. lets just say the things i feared about being honest w/ them about my views on religion became a reality and hit me full force, and i was pretty distraught for several days. but i think things were left as good as they could be left, and for that I am very thankful. but i feel different now. i decided that i had to live my life the way i saw fit regardless of what others would think of me, and how this might sadden them. this caused me much sadness but i see no other way. and now i feel very free. i no longer feel under a shadow or watchful eye of anyone. i no longer feel like i�m living in a small, isolated, sheltered part of the world.
in other news: for anyone interested in Zen Buddhism, the following is an excellent resource: �The Three Pillars of Zen� by Roshi Philip Kapleau. its pretty intriguing reading. i certainly don�t accept all of it (especially when they get specific about how things are set up) but the general spirit of it does intrigue me. the feeling of wanting to wake up and understand our true nature. what am i? what are we? what is all of this? originally i was pretty captivated by the idea of Zen because it seemed so elegant and just. if the truth was anywhere it makes sense that it would be inside of us to find and not limited to the circumstances of where and when we were born. there are many things about Buddhism that i don�t like or understand though. and lately i�ve been wondering again whether it is good or bad to spend your time in contemplation over the nature of things... But anyway i�ve found it to be interesting reading. it covers the teachings of zen and is kind of a how to guide for meditating and coming to enlightenment (realizing the true nature of things). it includes lectures from famous Roshis (Zen teachers that are supposedly �enlightened�) and dialogues between them and their students and other Roshis. one of the most fascinating sections is the journals from people as they come to enlightenment. reading one of these accounts will probably either turn you on or off to the book. i�m certainly not planning on converting to buddhism but i like to understand the different religions and how differently people can think and live, and the insights that can give. i�ve also been watching lectures from �the teaching company� (recorded college classes on various things... i know, i guess i�m a nerd...) on the different religions of the world. you can understand so much about a culture by understanding their religion. anyway, here is a quote from the book that i recently ran across that kind of gives a flavor of the book:
�My body is like a phantom, like bubbles on a stream. My mind, looking into itself, is as formless as empty-space, yet somewhere within sounds are perceived. Who is hearing�?
Bassui 14th century
at the studio where i practice yoga there is a Bodhisattva (a teacher of Zen who is supposedly enlightened) coming to teach on Zen and meditation. its a weekly thing open to all and no cost to attend. while i�m definitely skeptical i�m still intrigued by it and am excited about checking it out.
9:54 p.m. - 2005-09-25
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