i got invited to have an interview w/ one of the music schools based on my compositions. so i�ve got my fingers crossed i�ll be able to get in and start undergrad classes in the fall. i think taking that 2nd level music theory class in college, and writing classicalish music for it really helped out. that way i was able to give them something other than just rock music.
other than that, i don�t have much news. i�ll be turning 25 soon. 25, that sounds awfully old for someone who feels as immature as me. my older co-workers told me that 21, 22, 23 are all fun and you�re like full speed ahead, then when you hit 25 you want to put on the breaks a little bit; 30 starts to feel not so far away. yea so thats how i feel too. the deadline i put for myself on quitting my job was my 25th bday; i couldn�t stand the thought of being 25 and not pursuing what it is i really want to do. altho the main thing i�ve been thinking about in regards to wanting things to slow down is my lack of progress in the romantic area. i hear the words of one of my older cousins ringing in my ears: don�t wait to find a spouse. don�t wait because of your career or anything else. the older you get the fewer good options you have and the harder it becomes.
altho i�m pretty pathetic when it comes to girls i have made some progress. i have at least seen that i can be very attracted to and want to pursue a girl again w/out being overcome by fear and sadness (a semi recent event i didn�t write about in here, but didnt� amount to anything). i�ve seriously thought about going to a shrink for it and it might not be all that bad of an idea, but i feel i am making some progress. its been a very slow recovery from my middleschool/hs/college crush/heartbreak i had; damn near killed me (romantically anyway). for a while i simply wasn�t emotionally attracted to girls. the physical attraction remained but it was so tainted w/ sadness and pain that it was overruled by my emotions. i even talked to a girl about it once, along w/ my struggles w/ religion. she was helpful and felt sorry for me. once, in my dreams i realized it was a dream and was searching for my old crush to ask her how i could get over her, but i didn�t find her before the dream ended. and to be honest, in the past 3 yrs i have only wanted to pursue one girl. sure i�ve been attracted to a number but only one seemed like such a good fit, w/ so much potential that my feelings of sadness and pain were overcome. (i probably sound like a ranting teenager right now...). Too bad she was married. �its like ra----in on your wed�ding day�. The story is more complicated than this but i�d rather not get into it... i don�t like writing about things where other people are involved. Lets just say she was living far away from her husband for multiple years, but i respected their marriage and we were just friends, and nothing more. altho it was sad to finally find someone so compatible yet off-limits, at the same time it was real nice to see that much potential in another girl. it made me believe there were similar girls out there as well. i guess i�m just real picky....
but i think the main reason i was only attracted to one girl was i wasn�t around enough... i need to get better about this but i don�t like going to bars, and that type of thing. going back to college will be good for this... hopefully they�ll be some older girls i cross paths with there.
well i�m out of time and i don�t think theres any possibility of turning this entry around into a good entry. i guess sometimes you just have to write a self-absorbed, pathetic entry...
10:41 p.m. - 2006-07-02
Recent entries:
honesty was a luxury and now i think i'm broke - 2015-04-09
left vs right brain - 2014-05-17
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