I need to stop talking about how I�ll write more often in here, cuz I never do�
Now is a rather bland time for me so I�m not sure what I�m going to write about. School has been tough so far. I was just exhausted at the start of it and have had to work hard for everything. Sometimes I get frustrated being at a classical music school and wish I was in film music composition� which I ultimately want to try and do. But I wanted teaching to be an option and to learn music really well first, so I still feel like I made the right decision. I have a new composition teacher this year and he is pushing his aesthetic views on me a little more than my past teacher. and what they think is good music is often different from what I think it is�
Been going to a lot more school parties this year. Some of the people are real cool and fun to hang out with, but overall there is a wildness and immaturity level that makes it hard for me to fit in. I guess I�m just too old to be going to parties like this. I was initially real hopeful about dating girls at this school but now it seems less and less likely. Most of them are too young, immature, or wild or some combination of those.
Honestly, getting a girlfriend seems less and less important to me lately. There are so other many ways to enjoy life and get a sense of purpose and fulfillment. And most of my past attempts with girls have not been positive experiences. Its funny, in the past, I think tv trained me to think that there are two types of people: single and couples. And that couples have won, they have attained the prize offered by life and singles are in an undesirable state, a state that consists of only striving to find someone. Right now, I have no responsibilities to anyone but myself. I can live very cheaply and do things like fund an education in music. If I wanted to go study in Europe for awhile, I could do that. If I wanted to take a winter and live in a ski town, I could do that. If I wanted to retreat to a spiritual monastery for 6 months, I could do that too. I don�t have all that many desires in life but a lot of them consist of things that would be difficult to do if I was stuck being the breadwinner for a large family in a job that I could potentially not like, but felt stuck in. I still think finding a mate is a very important thing but I think the timing of that is also very important and should not be done out of a sense of desperation.
I wanted to end this entry with a quote I recently heard from William Shakespeare that goes something like:
�there are more things in Heaven and earth than your philosophy could ever imagine�
This doesn�t really fit with the above entry, but I just wanted to share it. I think it gives a sense of awe and vibrance to the world. And a tendency to embrace the vastness and incomprehensibleness of the world rather than resisting it or constantly trying to shape it so that it fits in neatly with your philosophy.
12:16 p.m. - 2008-11-09
Recent entries:
honesty was a luxury and now i think i'm broke - 2015-04-09
left vs right brain - 2014-05-17
one day at a time - 2013-09-20
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