I haven�t been doing real great lately. Not helping is the fact that I�ve been sick with the swine flu for one week and counting. So I�ve been cooped up by myself all day everyday and sick to boot� I�ve been watching the pbs series �becoming human�; it should be called �becoming ape� because that�s what it feels like to me. I�ve believed in evolution for some time but I had no idea they had so much evidence of the evolution of us as humans. And it just makes me sad. It shouldn�t but it does. Uh oh, I feel a depressing entry coming on�
About 3 wks ago the dr. thought I may have had a heart condition and told me to stop exercising until they figure it out because it could be dangerous. So for about 5 days my mind played tricks on me and I thought I really had a big problem. And the weird thing was that part of me was happy. I seemed happy at the thought of dying relatively young of natural causes. This seems to be a problem. Life has become a chore for me. I live out of duty, constantly reminding myself of why I�m needed and the good I can do. Maybe I need to give up and take some antidepressants�. Maybe then life could be fun again. But yea, turns out my heart is just fine. I was relieved and sad at the same time.
Oh by the way. My hs reunion didn�t happen. Got postponed. Sorry that last entry was so sappy. In my music history class we read old love songs (renaissance era) and I realized how typical I sounded. I thought my story was so unique: I loved so hard, that I cannot love another. Turns out its quite typical. Salt in the wounds� but no, that�s a good thing, because it means its just a phase. They all really meant it, I think, but they usually come out of it eventually.
Wish I could write more but I have just felt rather bland lately, like my life wouldn�t really be worth reading�
11:04 p.m. - 2009-11-15
Recent entries:
honesty was a luxury and now i think i'm broke - 2015-04-09
left vs right brain - 2014-05-17
one day at a time - 2013-09-20
compulsive internet surfing - 2013-04-14
ski trip - 2013-02-08
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