Life goes on, even when you think it can't. In regards to dealing with my Father's suicide, sometimes it feels like its getting easier and sometimes it feels like its getting harder. I have flirted with some pretty serious depression but so far have managed to keep my head above water.
�There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.� - Shakespeare
We try so hard to get a philosophy/world view so that we can understand everything but it seems like it always falls short sooner or later. there are always exceptions to the rules. outliers. the unfairness of it all is what i have the hardest time with. i think this is why atheism is appealing to some. while it seems to offer no hope it at least gives them a worldview they feel is consistent with what they see.
"wouldn't it be,so wonderful
if everything was meaningless
but everything is, so meaningful
and most everything turns to shit" - Pedro the Lion
I don't think I could ever be an atheist. but i think even atheists have their god. or mosts atheists anway. I think most atheists would think that time had no beginning and that the universe is eternal. (if our universe dies there are others out there, or a new one will be born to replace it). in this case, the universe is god. not a personified god but a god nonetheless. not a single concrete entity but alive and intertwined and giving the appearance of separateness. this is all well and good, but what is consciousness and why is it made to suffer? anyway, i'm rambling some...
my job is going fairly well. i have enough time off to be fairly happy. I am busy with family stuff lately but normally i have enough time to write/play music and hang out with friends. i think i may buy a house and keep doing what i'm doing. i don't have it in me to go back to school right now.
on a different note, there's something i've been meaning to write about regarding my last real girlfriend. before it happened it was starting to seem like it might never happen. sure i'm attracted to girls from time to time but it just never seems to work. i am too awkward or they aren't interested or something. it can be real hard to go from friends to a romantic relationship. i had dated girls in the past but it never really worked out or progressed very far. and i went a long time without really doing much dating. regarding making the first move. this is so intimidating for us guys. we feel like we have to do it so smooth and perfectly and i was a nervous wreck and felt incapable of pulling something like that off. but you know what, it doesn't have to be smooth and perfect. you just have to do it. as long as you are respectful it probably won't matter how smooth it is. you just have to try. there's really too much pressure on the first move. it doesn't have to be like that. dating other girls since then i've learned to just go with the flow and respond instantly rather than having a plan. plans usually don't work. read off her cues and put yourself in the position for it to happen. it will probably start to unfold naturally or it may become apparent that maybe she's not interested. if its in the in between stage, she may not really know you like her depending on the situation. why not just ask her if she's interested in a romantic relationship if it comes down to that. reading her cues and trying subtle forms of flirting may be better but if all else fails you can try that. I guess the main point is that it doesn't really matter how you do it (as long as you are respectful) it just matters that you do it.
perhaps i'm just stating the obvious but i wanted other doubters out there to know that it IS possible for you. no matter how impossible it feels. it IS possible.
11:27 p.m. - 2012-11-10
Recent entries:
honesty was a luxury and now i think i'm broke - 2015-04-09
left vs right brain - 2014-05-17
one day at a time - 2013-09-20
compulsive internet surfing - 2013-04-14
ski trip - 2013-02-08
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