well, i finally did what i should have done awhile ago. i finally called the girl that I know from another school, Jennifer, that i became attracted to over the last couple of years. It was really hard working up the nerve to call her since i hadn't seen her since april. but i did it and it went about as well as i could have expected. which is great, i was worried it might not go so well. i was nervous at times but she didn't seem to mind.
I've got so much work I need to do but i know i won't be able to get anything done until i think about this awhile. i think this was an important step. I really like her but part of me didn't want to do anything about it. Its the bad part of me. the part of me that wants to give up on it all. i have decided that that is unacceptable. i also was scared to do it because of the control i would have to give up. thats one of my biggest problems with life and one of the main reasons I'm mad at God. I want to be in control. You give up control with love. It seems to do with you what it pleases. I also think that wanting control is one thing that makes me apathetic. I don't want to be controlled by my emotions, so I end up not feeling anything at all.
(I thought now would be a good time to write but I'm in such an unusally happy mood i can't seem to think straight. So i'll ttyl.)
10:26 p.m. - 2002-10-02
Recent entries:
honesty was a luxury and now i think i'm broke - 2015-04-09
left vs right brain - 2014-05-17
one day at a time - 2013-09-20
compulsive internet surfing - 2013-04-14
ski trip - 2013-02-08
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
kenny-loo
bliss-sad
duplicitous
lost-facade
realthoughts
perceptions