hello again,
things got slightly more interesting since I last wrote in here. It involves a girl... There's this girl that was in one of my classes last semester that i was attracted to. (I thought about giving the long version but i think i'll stick with the short) Even though this girl has seen how sad i am and how incompetent i can be with girls she still seems somewhat interested in me. I'm so shocked at this, because every occasion i've had to talk to her i've pretty much screwed up.... Occasionally our eyes will meet and she'll look into my eyes like no one has done since the 1st and only time i thought i was in love. I know i'm probably going off the deep end on this since we've never had a full conversation but it really does feel like this. Its like she can see straight through me right into the deeps of my soul, and I can to some degree see into hers. And I feel the same type of pain mixed in with love that I have. I'm scared. I've got class with her tomorrow and have decided that I have to go talk to her and introduce myself and probably appologize for coming off as rude in the past due to my incompetence. I'm also afraid that I'll make a fool of myself, be wrong about it and just end up hurting a lot. I wish i was together, but i feel a little out of control.
Just when I was struggling with not believing in love more than i ever had, I once again believe that love is so real and so important. I once again want someone to hold, to love, to share my life with. someone who understands me and I understand them. not afraid of being honest to each other, not afraid of our faults and who we are. to be together, and to love each other for who we are. to confide in each other. I think this is what we all need, otherwise we feel alone.
like i said i'm scared about tomorrow. I wish i wasn't. I really want to talk to her because i'm afraid that i may have hurt her by coming off as rude, and i don't want to cause her pain, i want to make her life more pleasant. I've been struggling to find motivation in my life. If i found that I could make someone really happy, i would be so motivated to go out and make them happy everyday. :)
Wish me luck!
10:55 p.m. - 2003-02-16
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