last night i dreamed i was dying from apathy. i knew that all i had to do to keep living was to care but i couldn�t make myself do it.
my job has kept me really busy lately and i haven�t even had hardly any time to write in my private diary. oh yea, i�ve found a job for the time being. its contract work for a guy in my hometown, doing mechanical engineering work. overall i like it a lot. its fun to feel useful.
Here�s some things from my past private journal entries since i seem to be too tired to write anything new:
my hats off to you
my friend
so brave and so strong
i wish i could be like you
but i am ashamed and afraid
not at peace, not at ease
watching time pass me by
�posture�
the ripe young age of 22, i watch my posture and peace decline
the closer i get to that feared day, the greater its gravity seems to draw me in
such a clich� to talk of death in such a way
such a cliche to live life this kind of way
just remember
you were happy once
�unity�
isolation blinds us
communication gives us sight
alone we are weak
together we are strong
drawing off each other�s strengths
the impossible seems
a little closer to our grasp
seeing the similarity in us all
makes me wonder
how unified we might be
is unity the goal?
to lose our identity?
to become one with the world?
how would one do that?
and yet i�m wondering
as i often do
are there any answers at all
�the bottom line�
survival is the bottom line
or so it seems
the one thing nature rewards above all else
the one thing that survives
and so we were made
to survive
to procreate
to live, breathe, reproduce, and die
its natures way
but i�m not sure its ok with me
our instincts, our emotions
were made so that we would survive
but there is something else
that is different
a consciousness asking why?
how did that evolve
how did that help us survive?
our intelligence helped us survive and then brought on these types of questions
if i don�t ever learn the answers to the universe after i die, i will be upset. but then again i guess i might not be around to be upset. i shouldn�t talk like that tho.
9:28 p.m. - 2003-08-16
Recent entries:
honesty was a luxury and now i think i'm broke - 2015-04-09
left vs right brain - 2014-05-17
one day at a time - 2013-09-20
compulsive internet surfing - 2013-04-14
ski trip - 2013-02-08
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
kenny-loo
bliss-sad
duplicitous
lost-facade
realthoughts
perceptions