ok. i need to write another dland entry. i once again don�t know what i have to give tho.
i am once again realizing the significance that your physical health has on your emotional health. i�m starting to see how interconnected everything is. medical-psychological-religious-experiences. they all seem to just be variables. my neck has been hurting for the past 5 days and i�m having a hard time thinking anything positive, or getting much done. right now, all i think i want out of life is to be able to live my life with a healthy body.
i got my first real job offer this past friday, but i don�t think i�m going to take it. its real far away and i don�t think i would fit in at all. there were mulitple problems and even tho i know how rare jobs are right now, i don�t think it would be healthy for me to take it. i�m not in the strongest mental state lately, and i realize that and take it into account.
life isn�t fair. its torture for some, heaven for others. i used to believe that it was completely what you make it, and therefore fair. i think that that has some validity to it, your attitude does mean so much, but some people have it so much worse than others that their attitudes can't overcome their situation, where they probably could have overcome another. life seems completely indifferent to us. just like it is with everything else. it doesn�t care if this dog gets hit by a car and lives lame for the rest of its life. it doesn�t seem to care if children are abused and then struggle there whole lives to be normal or maybe wind up being psychopathic killers. life just goes on. we want to feel in control, we want to believe that we deserve our happiness, when we have it. but we�re not in complete control. life could change for us in such a way where sadness might overcome us. you could have an accident and be in such permanent pain that you wouldn�t want to live.
so what do i take away from thinking about all of this? well, not as much as i would like. life�s blessings are truly blessings that could end at any time. it also teaches me to have more sympathy for those that struggle in this life. you really have no idea what its like to be in their shoes. you didn�t live through the childhood, or suffer the physical pain or disorders that they may have that might keep them down. so what it teaches me is to love people. i feel sorry for us all, for being in this out of control world.
I would so love to write an entry full of life, original ideas, and hopeful pleasurable thoughts. i would love to be creative and share joy with the world. i would love to and maybe i can some other time. but as for now, i�m in one of my �all is lost moods� and this is how i feel:
the deeper i dig
the emptier i feel
there�s nothing there
there�s nothing there
4:51 p.m. - 2003-10-12
Recent entries:
honesty was a luxury and now i think i'm broke - 2015-04-09
left vs right brain - 2014-05-17
one day at a time - 2013-09-20
compulsive internet surfing - 2013-04-14
ski trip - 2013-02-08
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