I wrote this earlier but then took it off because when i read back thru it i got confused about some things. still i think its worth putting on here.
**I read through this again and thought about it some more and was tempted to take it off again. Its two things I don't like. Judgmental and arrogant with this I'm right and you're wrong attitude. Still, I keep it on here, as an example of a feeling I've had more so than statements I stand by, word for word. Easy answers don't seem to be had and it seems that i've once again proven the principle that arrogance often implies ignorance by my recent confusion over the words that I wrote with such confidence. That being said, I still like a lot of what I wrote in there minus the arrogance and judgmentalness****
"this made me laugh:
"We will consider the impact and benefits of annihilation on our present lives in a moment",
from: http://www.newrational.com/joy/conofann.html
and made me cry
well, not really. but it made me sad. just read through some of that atheist�s thoughts. if i had to make an initial statement it would be atheism is what happens when you can�t bear the thought of letting go of yourself and realizing that you�re not a god. to realize that you�re not the one responsible for youself and can't even take all the credit for what you do. you would rather believe that you only exist for a short period of time than to believe that �you�, in and of yourself could never claim existence at all. what could u do if you weren�t given your mind? can a bird do the same things we can do?? can we feel prouder than the bird for what we can do? if we were born deformed we would not be able to think as we do. if someone trapped us and doped us up on drugs we wouldn�t be able to do this. and what part did we play in bringing about our existance? looking back in time the probability we would be born is essentially 1/infinity. what part did we play in making those odds work? and we do have limits, just like everything else. where is our pride in those limits? can we not see the at best we are just playing the instruments that we are, and God has created. and sometimes i wonder if its us playing at all. sometimes i think at best we�re like children whose father holds their hands on the wheel and they think they�re driving. which is why i think we tend to wreck when we refuse the help and insist on driving ourselves. where do our thoughts come from? can i take credit for my hair or my skin? should i take credit for my thoughts shaped by years of experience in this life built upon a construct that i had nothing to do with creating?
using the same rationalism that would lead you to think that you will not exist after you die, would that not lead you to think that you would not be alive at all? or anything would? i can�t imagine constantly walking around being surrounded by what i didn�t believe could happen. i do agree that is a conceivable possibility that we do not live after we die. much more conceivable than there not being a God at all. how do you define God? how can something and nothing exist simultaneously. it seems like nothing would exist or something would. you can�t have both. how could something come from nothing? i admit that we are reaching and perhaps have reached our boundaries when we ponder things such as this. our minds cannot seem to grasp infinity or make conclusions from it. but when have we ever looked anywhere and not seen something? is it not reasonable to conclude that when we look where we cannot see, there probably lies something there as well?
for those out there that may have been offended, please pardon my bluntness. i always allow the possibility that i am wrong and others are right. but to take away the conviction bordering on arrogance that i felt when writing that, would take away the spirit of it that i felt pouring through my veins. i don't think atheists are bad or anything like that, nor do i have any negative feelings towards them. one of my best friends is an atheist and he's a great friend. i'm just passionate about the subject...."
what i've becomed confused about is the part where i mention how much I sometimes think God is in control of our lives. I think we're not in control as much as we think we are but that in many ways, we are the ones making the decisions...., as influenced as they may be..... anyway, putting more of the credit on God for our actions is problematic because He would also have to take the blame for the evil that goes on in the world. and lately its so difficult for me to see how anything could be without coming from God. But how could evilness be from God? I can't believe that it could be. I guess this is one of those things that I just can't understand.....
10:04 p.m. - 2004-05-23
Recent entries:
honesty was a luxury and now i think i'm broke - 2015-04-09
left vs right brain - 2014-05-17
one day at a time - 2013-09-20
compulsive internet surfing - 2013-04-14
ski trip - 2013-02-08
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