haven�t been doing too well lately. depressed to the point of not wanting to do anything. not wanting to go meet new people or even hang out with people much. sitting around trying to overcome my depression. trying to make peace with life and religion and then getting more depressed because of how hard that seems to be. i have forced myself to go out and do some things tho just cuz i know it wouldn�t be healthy not too. but still, my lack of zeal for life is not a good thing.
my Grandmother passed away recently. I saw her the night before she passed away. it was so sad. i would like to share my experiences with this but i�ll have to keep it general cuz its a rule of mine not to talk about other people in here in any kind of a private way. but being around her in such bad shape surrounded by so many others also in bad shape, it was hard on me. made me real sad. i read that Buddha, before he was Buddha, saw a man dying of disease, another man dying of old age, and a funeral all in the same day. he was so distraught that he left his religion (Hinduism i believe) and set out on a mission to resolve the sadness and pain that had come over him. and thus Buddhism was created. i can see how that would have such an effect on someone. like i say here again and again, it just really hits home not only my own mortality but the mortality of us all. i think this has been making me even more deadset on coming to peace with life.... only to become more depressed.
sell your cleverness and purchase bewilderment i once heard dr. dyer say. anyone wanting bewilderment i got plenty of it.... and i don�t quite see is its allurement.
8:51 p.m. - 2004-08-15
Recent entries:
honesty was a luxury and now i think i'm broke - 2015-04-09
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