I�ve been pretty burnt out at work lately. Thursday morning i woke up and wrote this poem as i was eating breakfast:
�Sadness is the densest thing i know
it penetrates our world like mercury poured over a styrofoam ball
we make art
we tell stories
sometimes we make friends
we make the most of our styrofoam lives, soaked to the core by sadness.�
i�m looking forward to having a couple days off for Christmas. Altho i�m anxious about it at the same time. my parents have asked me to go to the candle light service w/ them on Christmas Eve and i said i could probably do that... they also mentioned about how our preacher was asking about me. i'm also anxious about the family get togethers where Christmas hymns will be sung... i know the easy thing to do will be to just play and sing along but it goes against what i am. i don�t want to sing about things i don�t truly believe. i feel like a traitor, a liar, a hypocrite. but thats probably what i�ll do. its not like being dishonest is really go to harm my relationship w/ the extended family i�m going to be w/ because we don�t really have that deep of a relationship to begin with. you usually don�t notice the dark side of something until you�re in it.
on a different subject i�ve been meaning to put the following in here for awhile:
�the struggle between good and evil � we see it in the world and we see it in ourselves. myth after myth and religion after religion deal w/ this dilema/reality, trying to make sense of it. what if this had a perfectly natural answer to it? what if good and evil were both just simply evolved traits? you can see how both could help in survival. Evil, is typified by selfishness. You�re hungry, well go kill steve and take all his food. Go ahead and take his wife while you�re at it. Your genes will continue to pass down, steve's will not (granted this was probably more likely in ancient times, but thats where we get our genes from). On the other hand good can be seen as helping others. If groups of these people were to get together they could help each other out considerably and form stronger alliances than a group of thieves and could triumph as a result. so what if we have both of these inherited traits that are just as real and natural as our sex drive, or our desire to eat? and they constantly tug at us, creating much internal and external conflicts. religions tend to give credit to God for the good and blame ourselves for the bad. perhaps there�s a more natural explanation. nature�s everywhere and we�re part of it. look at how the animals behave; we seem to think they do so according to how they�ve evolved and what makes �natural� sense. Why should we look at ourselves differently?
i don�t mean to suggest that there�s no spirit and that everything is natural... but i am questioning where that line should be drawn.�
9:17 p.m. - 2005-12-18
Recent entries:
honesty was a luxury and now i think i'm broke - 2015-04-09
left vs right brain - 2014-05-17
one day at a time - 2013-09-20
compulsive internet surfing - 2013-04-14
ski trip - 2013-02-08
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
kenny-loo
bliss-sad
duplicitous
lost-facade
realthoughts
perceptions