haven�t left myself w/ much time to write...
awhile back i decided to stick w/ my job until i get them out of the crisis they�re in w/ the program they handed over to me. i knew the next 3 � 4 months were going to be hard and it has been. i�m doing better about not working myself too much though, but i�m still working an awful lot. work is really getting in the way of the things i want to do in life...
current plan: quit job no later than June. Try out teaching at a community college for awhile just to see how i like it. The purpose of this is to help me decide what degree to go into for music (or whether to go to a traditional school at all).
in addition to working so much i volunteered to help one of my friends out with planning an event at the UU church. i felt like i needed to get involved in something, and I�m glad i did, even tho i really am short on time. i needed to do something social.
i�m starting to look more seriously at my romantic situation (or lack thereof). it seems like everyone i know is getting married and there are less and less single girls out there. i really need to get on the ball better with this... its getting old hanging out w/ married people. i also need to meet more people in general... pretty much my only social outlet has been through the UU church. i�ve made some pretty good friends there but not the type i can call up and just hang out w/.
i�ve been really wishing i was back in a band lately. that solves a lot of my social problems. its something fun to do on the weekends and i make a lot of friends that way, and girls who would never have paid attention to me otherwise, do. the good news for this entry is all the work i�ve done to improve my physical condition has been working (yoga, massage therapy, meditation, stretching, slow moving exercises i made up, and practicing better posture). i�ve very gradually started playing more and more guitar. if this trend continues i�ll be back to my old self in a couple more months. I can�t tell you how happy that makes me. life makes sense to me and is enjoyable when i�m able to play the guitar like i want to. i was soloing over some mogwai songs about a week ago and was so happy i felt like crying.
my religious musing continues (no surprise there). i finished up all the video lectures i was watching on the world religions and i now feel like i have a better handle on the world i�m living in. its a confusing world too. and a very sad world in some cases. its amazing how it puts things in perspective. it makes my problems not seem so bad.
i�ll end w/ a couple of zen moments i�ve had in the past months:
The zen teacher i described going to earlier, had this to say about enlightenment: when people ask what the meaning to life is a common zen answer is, the carpet is blue (or whatever the color of the carpet is in the room you�re standing). because its the truth, and its staring you in the face.
one morning i can�t remember what i was dreaming but at the moment i woke up my brain said to me, what would you ask yourself if you had just one question. i thought that was pretty neat.
9:37 p.m. - 2006-01-22
Recent entries:
honesty was a luxury and now i think i'm broke - 2015-04-09
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