i wrote this earlier but i�ve been feeling this way lately:
life is
a pill to big for me to swallow
a song to hard for me to play
a movie to sad for me to watch
a rain to cold for me to want to go outside in
a mountain to crowded for me to ski down
a hill to steep for me to climb
a hole to big for me to fill
an underexposed picture, to dark for me to see
a girl w/ too many problems for me to want to pursue
a class w/ too many prereq�s for me to take
a guitar too out of tune to play
a joke too crude for me to enjoy laughing at
a department store too big for me to find what i came for
a poem to meaningless for me to want to finish
i haven�t had the best couple of weeks. i�ve felt let down by some of my friends lately. i don�t have many friends that aren�t married or engaged that i can call up and just hang out w/. i have more friends that are girls than anything else, but i�m not really attracted to them and therefore don�t really do things w/ them unless its as a group (because i�m afraid of leading them on). the few friends i have that i can just casually hang out w/ have kind of let me down lately. maybe i�m too sensitive, i don�t know. maybe i expect people to be more considerate than i should... but it got me feeling down about myself. i�ll be moving on from my job before long and probably leaving this city. i wanted to leave feeling like i was not running away from something, but that i had succeeded and was off to something better. i don�t really feel like i succeeded socially. in a way i have, cause i have made some good friends, but i just don�t see them often. i�ve spent more time alone than i would have liked.
i�ve been thinking about why i haven�t done as well as i would have hoped and a big reason is that i�m just not all that happy. and its usually not all that much fun being around sad people. all in all, i still think a big part of my problem is physical... and i�m starting to get re-motivated to go the dr route again about my neck problems. maybe i�ll have better luck this time. but another big part of it is i don�t like my job. but i wish i could have done a little bit better than i have considering all this. i�ve tried different things (kickball (don�t laugh, it was a pretty good way to meet people), and swing dancing). the kickball folks were a little too wild for me and the swing people were a little too happy for me to fit in with. i probably gave up a little easier than i should have tho. not working so much overtime would have helped too.
but at the same time i think i�ve done a lot of growing these past couple yrs and feel good about that. in any case i�ll be moving on soon and feel good about what the future may hold.
8:50 p.m. - 2006-03-26
Recent entries:
honesty was a luxury and now i think i'm broke - 2015-04-09
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