so I�ve started reading several bks since I read eckhart Tolle�s �power of now� and �a new earth�. I end up quiting most of them and go back to reading Tolle for a 2nd time. This is the first time I can remember reading an entire book twice. I think those two books may be the last self help books I ever really need; I just need to put it into practice more.
There are so many valuable gems in that book. For example:
He talks about (a new earth, ch 4) how we carry this background unhappiness with us that we justify by saying: �there is something that needs to happen in my life before I can be at peace (happy, fulfilled, etc.). and I resent that it hasn�t happened yet. Maybe my resentment will finally make it happen.�
We believe that we are justifying why we are unhappy, as if we are a victim and have no choice in the matter. However, it is this thought, that we keep reminding ourselves of that is the real reason we are unhappy. We believe that we can�t be happy without something and are therefore unhappy. But its always reaching for the next thing. Even when we achieve it the satisfaction doesn�t last long and then we develop a new thing to strive for that will finally make us happy. Its all about the expectations we put in our minds. When I was in 5th grade the most important thing in the world was whether I could dunk a basketball when I was fully grown. Now I can�t dunk a basketball (maybe I could with a LOT of practice) and I don�t care. So much in life I think is that way. The real tragedy is that we are convinced each day that we can�t be fully at peace / happy because we are lacking something. It is a problem created by our minds. What if we could live everyday at peace. Yes we would still work towards new things and enjoy them and be sad when sad things happen, but what would it feel like to wake up everyday believing that I am whole and require nothing more than I already am. I can simply live this day the best I can and enjoy every moment as best I can. I don�t need to wait for this or that to happen to be happy, I can be happy right now.
I have be no means mastered this. In fact I probably have more of a problem with it than most. But I�m getting better and I am seeing improvements. For me, my big one is I believe I can�t be truly happy until I fall in love. True, falling in love creates a lot of intensely pleasurable feelings and meaningful relationships are wonderful, but world peace would also be wonderful and it would be a shame to go around sad everyday that world peace didn�t happen. Sorry, I can�t be happy and enjoy this outing with my friends because the world isn�t at peace� that�s kind of what I do with my lack of a gf. Its our compulsion to believe we always need more that is the real problem. I wish I could enjoy what is. There can always be more and there can always be less, so what, big deal, get over it! all we really need to do is be who we are with what we have.
My other big issue related to this is wanting to fix my world view. I want to resolve this cognitive dissonance in my head. I want to believe that God is great and everything and everyone is loved and will be taken care of in the end. But I see things that make me believe this might not be so. But I shouldn�t go through life saying, I can�t be happy until I solve this. I�ve done nothing to help solve the problem, all I�ve done is tell myself I have to walk around with this unhappiness. I don�t think I�m ever going to figure it all out. Just imagine, I�m 99 and say, ah ha! I�ve got it! now, I can REALLY live my life! I have to just accept the fact that some things can�t be wrapped up into a nice package. I guess it really comes down to accepting what is rather than resisting it, saying this shouldn�t be this way, and it must be changed or I can�t be happy. You can still change things, but you don�t have to limit your happiness while you are changing them.
11:35 p.m. - 2009-12-06
Recent entries:
honesty was a luxury and now i think i'm broke - 2015-04-09
left vs right brain - 2014-05-17
one day at a time - 2013-09-20
compulsive internet surfing - 2013-04-14
ski trip - 2013-02-08
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
kenny-loo
bliss-sad
duplicitous
lost-facade
realthoughts
perceptions