Here are some entries I planned to post and then never did. Until now. My life is crazy busy right now. I ended up having to plan my recital a lot earlier than I thought I would and have been scrambling to get everything done.
1.17.10
life seems rather crazy right now. But somehow it doesn�t bother me quite as much as I think it should. Death has been on my mind a lot lately. Went to a funeral last weekend - it was for my Great Aunt. Incredibly nice, kind, and sweet lady. But at the funeral we mostly just chatted about what was going on in our lives as if it was just another social gathering. I know its hard to know what to say but I just felt we should have talked about it more. It almost seems like a kind of denial to me. Like we don�t want to treat this as seriously as if it was us that just died. The longer I�ve been out of a Christian church the more my beliefs start to weaken. I still believe in a loving God but, this limited mind has been wrong before. What if I�m wrong? Yes, the evidence in �life after life� (by Raymond Moody) is rather persuasive, but it still could be wrong�
Here is a link to a movie by Raymond Moody: Near Death Experiences
As the gravity of the situation set in a little more at the gravesite, I had this feeling that my life could be so much more purposeful than it is. I�m just kind of bumbling along like a teenager when there is serious, important, meaningful work to be done.
1.29.10
I can talk a big game but when it really comes down to it I�m really quite pathetic. I like to talk philosophical and have mystical experiences in the privacy of my own home but put me in a room full of drama students and I enter a nervous incapacitated self destructing state. I tried out for this really nice paid artist fellowship and succeeded at feeling like an engineer and making a fool of myself.
In other news I�m still incredibly pathetic with girls. There�s this girl I like and I actually think she may like me too. Problem - need to actually get to know her and have a real conversation. I only worked with her class a couple times and we had to interact/talk a little in that but it was strictly about the class. Although I did think she was flirting with her eyes some. I don�t even know her name. but when I see her around campus I often catch her looking at me and then looking away. Maybe its in my head but I don�t think so. Other problem: I�m 28 she is likely 20. Yea. I waver between saying �don�t think about it she�s too young� to �OMG this girl might actually like me, why don�t you do something�. But when it comes down to it, I can�t build up the nerve to do something bold. I wish I could just casually strike up a conversation but that opportunity has not presented itself.
11:15 p.m. - 2010-01-31
Recent entries:
honesty was a luxury and now i think i'm broke - 2015-04-09
left vs right brain - 2014-05-17
one day at a time - 2013-09-20
compulsive internet surfing - 2013-04-14
ski trip - 2013-02-08
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